Dominant and Submissive Relationships: The Sexual Aspect

Defining a D/s Relationship

At its core, a D/s relationship is one in which one partner takes a leading or dominant role, while the other assumes a more supportive or submissive role. We must be clear that these roles are not fixed in every way, nor do they define every aspect of an individual’s life. Instead, there is an intricate power dynamic in a Dom/sub or D/s relationship that manifests differently in every relationship.

Some individuals may only partake in a D/s relationship when it comes to sex, while other couples may be more involved and have their personal lives defined by the D/s dynamic. In contrast, some couples may even live a D/s lifestyle 24/7. It all comes down to individual agreements and boundaries. Here we come to the keys to a functional, fulfilling D/s relationship, which are consent, trust, and mutual agreement.

Myths & Truths about D/s Relationships

We must cover the common misconceptions about the D/s relationships, as many people have a completely wrong understanding of D/s relationships. Here are the most common myths and actual truths about D/s relationships:

• Myth: A D/s relationship is abusive. There is no abuse in a genuine D/s relationship, as it should be based on trust, mutual agreement, and teamwork. For one person to dominate, the other should willingly submit, which is the opposite of forceful oppression and abusive relationships.
• Myth - The submissive is the weaker partner. The opposite is true: it takes a lot of confidence and inner strength to put yourself in a supportive or submissive role in the relationship. We must note that, when it comes to personal relationships, many highly successful leaders and individuals in high-power positions take on a submissive role.
• Myth - The Dominant partner is selfish. This is the third myth that we’ll bust here, as in a genuine D/s relationship, the Dominant and submissive partners work together towards a mutually pleasurable relationship. The Dominant partner should be sensitive, empathetic, take their role seriously, and not be domineering. There are key differences between being dominant and being domineering, as one relates to a mutually consensual relationship, while the other has no place in a healthy relationship.

When it comes to sex, some D/s couples may engage in kinkier sex, while others may not be at all involved in kink, besides practicing a D/s relationship. We must note that kinky sex and D/s relationships are not synonymous. However, we’ll not go this way here; instead, we’ll discuss how a D/s relationship is related to BDSM scenes, as D/s is an integral part of this practice.

D/s Relationships, Kink & BDSM

The BDSM acronym contains D/s in it, which is why we’ll now turn our attention to the sexual, kinky aspect of a D/s relationship. Before we continue, we must note that there is no rule requiring any D/s couple to engage in such practices; it comes down to personal preferences. Still, almost all kinky scenarios require the D/s power dynamics, which is why we say that D/s is an integral part of BDSM. Here are some examples of D/s experiences:

• Classic bondage – to engage in a bondage activity requires a tremendous amount of trust, which D/s couples already share. The Dominant partner is the master who ties up their submissive partner, using chains, ropes, handcuffs, or other bondage implements. What follows may be sexy teasing with sensory implements like a tickler or a feather, impact implements like a crop, flogger, or a whip, or some other form of sexy play, like wax play, or even sexual punishment, all at the discretion of the Dominant partner.
• Master/pet relationship – in this type of experience, the Dominant partner is the pet-owner or the master, while the submissive partner is the pet. Such games may involve role play with sexy animal masks like dog masks, cat masks, bunny masks, complete sexy costumes, or even sex toys like tail butt plugs.
• Dom/brat scene – in this BDSM experience, the submissive partner purposefully disobeys the commands of their Dominant partner so they can receive punishments. Some of the more popular and effective punishments that couples engage in are using a paddle, using a mouth gag, adding nipple clamps, blindfolding, tickling, orgasm denial with a chastity belt/cock cage, or forced orgasms with a powerful vibrator, a vibrating wand, or another vibrating toy.
• Caretaking experience – in such an experience, the Dominant partner takes care of the submissive partner. It may involve feeding or giving a drink to the sub, giving them a massage, or any other emotionally and physically supportive activity. We must note that aftercare, which is an integral part of any BDSM scene, is not a caretaking scene, as all BDSM activities should end with sufficient aftercare. We have a complete guide on BDSM aftercare, where you can learn much more about this.

These are just some of the BDMS scenes and experiences a D/s couple may engage in, but there are so many other possibilities. However, as you can see, some of the scenes/experiences involve some pain, which is why I refer you to our guide to impact play.

It should be clear that the D/s relationship is NOT violent or focused on pain. Instead, the pain element of some of the BDSM experiences, like using a paddle, a flogger, or a whip, only heightens the experience and strengthens the power dynamic between the partners.

Still, some D/s couples choose to focus their attention on other forms of BDSM activities that include pain-free role-play or some sensory play. We should be clear, it all comes down to personal preferences and consent, as the keys to a pleasurable BDSM scene are safe, sane, and consensual, with trust being the key to a successful D/s relationship.

The Bottom Line

Before we let you go, we need to state that being in a D/s relationship can be a transformative experience that benefits all aspects of your life. However, you should not get involved in such a relationship or any BDSM scene if you don’t feel comfortable with our partner. It is why we’ll conclude this post with the advice to be open with your partner and clearly state your desires and wants you’d like to explore. A healthy D/s relationship stands on trust, open communication, and respect, but also on safety and an open mind.