BDSM Aftercare: Basics and Guide

What is BDSM Aftercare?

BDSM aftercare is a physical and emotional care-taking that happens after an intense sexual activity. In vanilla relationships, it can be cuddling, kissing, or soft touches, while in BDSM relationships, it requires something extra. Because most of the BDSM scenes are intense and often involve fantasy roles and demanding activities, these can push the limits and cause a surge of adrenaline and endorphins that take the body out of balance.

Aftercare is necessary to ground the partners, bring them back to reality, and help restore the balance after the drop. The drop is what happens when the body starts to relax after a strenuous activity, and the extra hormones leave the system. In this time, both partners, but most often the submissive partner, may feel exhausted, drained, and disconnected from their body, which is an additional shock. So, you can note why aftercare is the time for the partners to be vulnerable with each other, to talk and reflect on the scene, and to replenish their energy.

Top Space and Subspace

Before we go into detail on some of the aftercare steps, we need to explain two essential terms in BDSM: top space and subspace. We used the research and definitions of the studies in social psychology that engaged in a detailed analysis of the altered states of mind that BDSM practitioners experience.

When the Dominant partner engages in a BDSM scene, they often experience an altered state of mind. It is described as an experience of an altered state of mind, where the Dominant experiences “a perfect flow or a highly pleasurable mental state with increased focus, loss of self-consciousness and optimal performance.”

The subspace is what happens to the submissive partner, and it is also an altered state of mind. However, the subspace is associated with “temporary impairment of the brain’s functions, along with a feeling of floating, peacefulness, time distortion and living in the here and now.”

But what goes up must come down because the altered states of mind are a result of a complex cocktail of brain chemicals. So, when the stimulation stops, and the body starts processing the adrenaline, oxytocin and endorphins, it will experience a change in sensations, which are described as top drop and sub drop, respectively. Enter aftercare.

BDSM Aftercare Steps

Now that you know why aftercare is necessary, let’s list some of the most critical steps you must take to help yourself and your partner after an intense BDSM scene:

• Tend to injuries or wounds – the BDSM scenes most often involve spanking, flogging, another type of impact play, or bondage, and any of these activities are bound to leave a mark on the skin. The first step in proper aftercare is to take away any implements or tools used and take care of any injury or wound. It can be a rope burn or a blooming bruise where a cold compress helps or applying moisturizing cream on reddened, overheated skin.
• Reassuring words - the sub needs to hear words of reassurance, so verbal praises are a good way to start the aftercare routine. Expressing respect and positive reinforcements are vital for helping the submissive get back to normal and experience nurturing feelings.
• A blanket or clothes – most scenes encompass the submissive probed and held in many situations, which leaves a person feeling exposed. So, after a scene, it is wise to offer a cover to the sub. It can be a warm blanket or loose-fitting clothes like a bathrobe that will wrap the sum and make them feel safe and comfortable. It also has a calming effect on the nerves, as it offers protection from exposure during the scene.
• Slow breathing – taking slow and deep breaths is a way to slow down the heart rate and give the body time to relax and slowly come down from the exertion. It will provide both partners with time to release any tension, process what happened, and focus on the feelings that need to be dealt with.
• Kisses, cuddling, and stroking – soft kissing after a scene can be an excellent way for the Dominant partner to show their submissive partner that they care about them and that the actions during the scene do not define the relationship between them. Instead, kissing, gentle strokes, and cuddling will reassure the sub that all is well in the relationship. A good hug can also go a long way in helping the submissive partner feel reassured.

• Drink and food – offering food and drink to the submissive partner is a good way to replenish their strength and help with hydration. Many scenes will cause the submissive to pant excessively and the Dom to sweat, which means loss of fluids, so having a drink and a snack afterward is a wise idea. It is not practical to drink and eat during playtime, but it is necessary as a part of aftercare. A piece of chocolate can be especially effective in raising the blood sugar level and helping with a boost of energy.
• Conversation – a BDSM scene may involve plenty of intense actions that may or may not be expected. So, as a part of aftercare, the partners can sit down and chat about what they liked and what they did not like. It is imperative to outline the feelings that occurred during the scene, particularly if the scene involved some sort of humiliation play. Taking the time to acknowledge that these are only part of the scene and don’t leak in real life is essential for the Dominant and submissive partner.
• Music or a movie – a good way to put yourself and your partner at ease after a strenuous and intense BDSM scene is to listen to music or watch a movie or a TV show. Preferably, it should be something that you’ve heard or watched before that can put you both at ease and that you find comforting.
• Shower or a bath – taking a shower with or without the partner or luxuriating in a bath after an intense scene is an excellent way to unwind and relax. It can also help relax the muscles and ease any aches.
• Sleep – sleep is a fix for many problems, especially for boosting your energy levels and letting your body recover and recoup after a strenuous activity. Taking a short nap or falling into deep slumber may be the perfect thing for both partners, especially after a very intense and demanding BDSM scene.

Final Words

Aftercare is not to be overlooked or taken lightly, but it is a necessary part of BDSM. It is something that professional Dominants always take very seriously, as it is the Dominant’s responsibility to take care of their submissive. As we stated, aftercare is a way to decompress and wind down after a scene, which is why you need to think about the things that work best for you and your partner and apply them after playtime.

The recovery time depends on the individuals, with some rebounding more quickly while others need more time and attention. You may not always need aftercare, but this comes down to the scenes and the individual. Also, make sure you check in with your partner after a day or two, as the mental exhaustion may come much later. In any case, taking things slow and maintaining clear, open communication is key for pleasurable playtime and comfortable easing into the everyday, mundane things.