Ever been intrigued by being spanked during sex? Well, you would be happy to hear that it is more common than you think and is a common element of BDSM plays, where it is referred to as impact play. Impact play is a more general term that covers all the sexual plays that involve hitting or being hit with an object in a safe, consensual way. Please read on as we share our detailed guide on impact play and how to safely introduce this to your relationship.
What Is Impact Play: Definition
Impact play is a sex practice that includes one partner striking or hitting the other partner in a consensual way, where one or both partners enjoy the gratification. It can consist of erotic spanking on the butt with an open palm or with an impact toy like a paddle, a cane, or a riding crop, known as paddling, caning, or cropping, respectively. Erotic flagellation is another form of impact play where the dominant partner uses a belt, a flogger, or a whip; the latter is referred to as flogging and whipping. The main goal of impact play is to increase the sensitivity of the submissive partner’s skin and create increased physical and psychological sensations.
The Appeal of Impact Play
The main appeal of impact play, and why so many try it, is that this is simple, easy to do, and a great introduction to exploring your kinks. Impact play is also a great way to relieve stress, as it has a profound effect on the body.
Physical Sensations
The physical sensations the body experiences from the impact toys can be stingy or thuddy. The stinging sensations are caused by thin, narrow toys like whips, belts, riding crops, and canes, and these are sharp, intense sensations that leave a lingering sting. It brings more heat and will more likely make the submissive partner yelp in pleasure.
On the other hand, the thuddy sensations are often described as deep, heavy sensations that leave a delicious aftereffect. The impact toys that bring a predominantly thuddy sensation are the floggers and paddles and, of course, the palm of the hand. Many submissives describe these as grounding, relaxed sensations.
Psychological Effects
The pain that the body experiences during the impact play makes the body produce hormones, including adrenaline and endorphin. The pain and pleasure receptors in the brain are intricately linked, and prolonged exposure to endorphins causes dizzying euphoria that leads to relieving stress and immense pleasure. It is commonly referred to as a state of subspace, where the body stops feeling pain but is a strong emotional release that many crave.
Consent and Safety are Key
The thing we need to discuss when you are looking to introduce impact play to your relationship is to ensure the consent from both partners. It needs to include detailed explanations and negotiations, as this is an activity that includes actual hitting and pain. Both partners need to understand the risks involved, as well as the physical and emotional risks involved.
Open communication is key because if you don’t communicate beforehand, things may quickly get out of control, and you’ll both end up traumatized instead of satisfied. Not to mention that if you hit someone without their explicit consent, it is plain domestic violence. What we mean to say is never to rush into things but to discuss things with your partner, be clear, and make sure you are both on the same page.
Here is a simple checklist you can use as a guide when considering trying impact play with your partner:
- Start with an open mind – always approach any new pay with an open mind. Never judge your partner for suggesting you try something new, and be open and respectful to their desires.
- Be mindful of the anatomy – learn what body parts are that are safe to hit and where you should never hit your partner. Aim for the butt, thighs and boobs, and avoid the spine, lower back, neck, head, ankles, wrists, hands, and feet.
- Practice your skills – if you use a paddle or another implement, practice hitting with it on a pillow so you can train your arm and not deliver a severe blow.
- Discuss the activities – outline the ideas for your partner, discuss the tools you’ll be using and their boundaries, establish a safe word, and talk about anything else that will put both of you at ease.
- Regular check-ins – regularly check with your partner during the scene to confirm you are both on the same page and are enjoying the activity.
- Aftercare – aftercare is key with every high-intensity sexual activity that leaves the partner physically and emotionally drained. Have a concrete plan that includes enough time and space to slowly come down from the experience.
Where to Aim the Impacts
As our impact play checklist outlines above, you need to learn where to aim your hits on your partner’s body. The safe zones on the body are the fleshiest parts: the lower butt, upper thighs, and boobs, so beginners in impact play should only focus on these areas.
These areas are meatier, don’t bruise as quickly, and can withstand the intensity of the blow. More experienced users can also include the inner thighs, the calves, the back of the shoulders, and the upper arms.
We can’t stress things enough, but you should NEVER hit the lower back, the spine, the neck, the backs of the knees, the elbows and armpits, the wrists, the feet, and the head.
How to Start
If you are a complete beginner, then we advise you to start with light spanking; you can use your hand, a plastic ruler, or even a plastic spatula. Always start slow and check in with your partner to see how they are faring. Aim the hits on the butt, aiming for the middle part of the gluteus, as this area is the meatiest and does not bruise easily, but is sensitive and can be very pleasurable for the receiving partner.
If you are using your hand, pace your hits until you and your partner become more comfortable, and then you can amp up the intensity. If you decide to use a tool, practice with it before you start, and start with lighter hits. Make sure you are hitting where you aim as if you miss the mark, you can cause unwanted pain or even serious harm to your partner.
Please note that you can always increase the intensity as the scene progresses, but you can’t take back a too-hard hit. So, always, and we mean always, go soft and slow.
Lightly spanking up your partner can be a precursor to more intense play, using other sex toys or sex. A light impact play session can also be an incredible foreplay, as the excitement and the increased blood flow the impacts cause will make your partner so much more sensitive to the things you want to do to them later on.
Aftercare is Key
As we stated above, aftercare is integral to any type of intense sexual play, and this includes when engaging in impact play. The aftercare step involves checking in with your partner physically and emotionally, which provides for hugging, cuddling, and emotional support.
A good idea is to place a light blanket over them, hug them, and ask them how they feel, what they liked, and what they did not like. If you’ve been particularly intense, you may need to tend to cuts and bruises with some cream or apply ice to developing bruises. It also includes bringing liquids for rehydration and feeding your partner.
Different Impact Toys
Now that we’ve covered the basics of impact play let’s take a look at the different impact play implements you can use:
- Paddle – the spanking paddle is an essential implement for impact play. You can get a flexible model made from leather or plastic or a stiff paddle made from wood or even leather-coated metal, and each model delivers different sensations.
- Flogger – the flogger is the most versatile of impact toys, and you can find models that come with fewer or more strands, depending on the sensations you want your sub to experience. Leather floggers bring less intense sensations than rubber models, which cause a more painful thud.
- Cane – the cane is a vital tool for power and impact plays, and you should select a model that is durable, well-made, and long enough for you to use however you like. Choose a can with a handle that is easy to grip so you can better control it when you apply it to your sub.
- Crop – the riding crop is a popular and versatile impact tool as it allows you to deliver a localized, stingy sensation, but it is also so easy to handle. You can find crops with different designs and lengths, allowing you to provide light and medium-strength impact.
- Whip – the whip is one of the strictest impact toys you can use, and these are recommended for experienced users. The whip is useful for sensual play or strict punishment, but you will need to carefully select the model suitable for the sensations you want to deliver.
The Bottom Line
Note that we intend this article to serve as an outline for the main things to note when engaging in impact play. We can’t stress enough the importance of having clear, open communication with your partner when it comes to engaging in impact play. Establish a safe word, and always start slowly and increase the intensity very slowly. Beginners should begin spanking with their hands and light, playful smacks before continuing to use impact play tools. Incorporating impact toys can enhance physical and emotional intimacy and strengthen the bond between you and your partner.