How to Be a Dominatrix: Guide to Femdom Role Play

What Is a Dominatrix?

A Dominatrix is a woman who exerts psychological and/or physical power over their partner. The partner is referred to as the submissive or sub. The role of a Dominatrix can be a full-time role, where they exert a constant dominant role over their partner in all aspects of life, or a part-time role that is focused on exploring kinks, fetishes, and partaking in various BDSM scenes.

If you are married or in a committed relationship with your partner, and they ask you to dominate them, take this into account as something they want or need to try. Here, we must outline that both the Domme and her sub should engage in negotiations with clear, open communication before they enter into any type of relationship that involves domination, whether it be sexual or non-sexual.

Becoming a Dominatrix

The key things that men find sexy about a woman are confidence and assertiveness, which are also essential traits for a Dominatrix. But there are some other tricks a lady can learn to become a better Domme and dominate her partner in bed. First of all, the Domme has a responsibility to plan and execute the experience and care for their partner afterward. Here we share a list of the key tips to help any woman become a Dominatrix:

• Learn what domination is all about. There is so much more to being a Dominatrix than just putting on a sexy leather corset, high-heeled boots, and holding a whip. In fact, being a Dominatrix may not involve pain of any type if that is the preference of both partners. The form of domination can be verbal, sexual, physical, or psychological, and it is asserted through mental and physical stimulations. We must be clear that both partners get something out of the relationship, as they engage in it by mutual agreement.
• Discussion and consent. The next step before you engage in a sexual activity as a Domme is to discuss things with your partner and outline what you both are comfortable with. Make sure your submissive partner is open about their physical and mental boundaries, and get their consent about everything. Establishing verbal or non-verbal signals is essential, as these serve as necessary safety measures.
• List of boundaries. While you are discussing what you are comfortable with and what you don’t want to try. It is wise to create a written contract that outlines what you would like to try and the hard limits you should avoid at all costs. If you and your submissive partner are interested in trying different BDSM scenes, you should also make a list of the activities you would like to try, like role-play, teasing, impact play, or any other kink or fetish.
• Prepare a power look. We mentioned leather corsets and tall boots above —they’re powerful tools every Domme needs. The proper attire and embellishments complete the Domme character, making you feel powerful and sexy. Some examples of power-boosting clothes include a leather corset and pants, strappy lingerie, latex lingerie, gloves, a full-body suit, or even a business suit with a pencil skirt, a tight shirt, and a jacket.
• Discuss and use props. As a Domme, you should learn how to use props and be an expert in using them to their maximum advantage. For example, if you engage in impact play, you should know how to use a crop, a paddle, a flogger, or a whip, so you can deliver the sensations your sub expects from you. We suggest you start with milder implements, such as a blindfold, a mouth gag, and a tickler, before moving on to more severe props. For more info, please check out our guide to safely introduce impact toys to your playtime.
• Read their body. As a Dominatrix, you should pay close attention to your sub’s body language, especially when you engage in more demanding scenes. Because the sub places their trust in your hands, you need to honor this trust by ensuring their safety. Pay close attention to their reactions, facial expressions, and signals, and act accordingly.
• Engage in aftercare. The aftercare is integral to any BDSM scene, and as a Domme, you are required to engage in aftercare, showing your appreciation to your sub. It is the time to be tender with your partner and check in with them, ensuring their mental and physical well-being. You can refer to our guide to aftercare for more tips on excellent aftercare.

Femdom Role Play Ideas

Becoming a dominatrix is not tricky, but it should not be done as a trial by fire. Instead, a slow and straightforward approach is more effective, especially when both partners are relatively inexperienced with this dynamic. It is why, based on the suggestions from our team of sex coaches and psychologists, we share a list of role-play ideas you, as a Dominatrix, can engage in with your sub.

• Bondage – having your sub bound and ready for your attention is empowering and a game that many love. We are talking about using bondage chains, ropes, handcuffs, or even bed restraints to keep your sub in place.
• Impact Play – the most engaging aspect of BDSM and D/s relationships is impact play, when an impact toy is used to hit the body, most often the butt, thighs, and back. The most popular impact toys are the flogger, the paddle, the crop, the whip, and the cane.
• Sensation Play – similar to impact play, you can use various implements to stimulate your sub’s senses. We mentioned ticklers, but you can also use wax play candles, erotic massage oils, a blindfold, or even a Wartenberg wheel to excite your partner and exert your domination over them in a non-painful way.
• Cock & Ball Torture – this activity may sound extreme, but if done correctly, it can be very pleasurable for the sub. It involves using a cock ring, usually made from a stretchy material that will not bring too much pain. However, people who enjoy pain or have trouble listening to orders may require a more devious device, which is where the cock cages come into play. It is also an excellent way to combine orgasm denial play.
• Humiliation – humiliation play is prevalent, but not every male sub is comfortable with it. Still, it is a very effective power play, and it can include verbal humiliation, usually aimed at penis humiliation or body humiliation. Begging is another aspect of humiliation play, especially if you make him beg for an activity he is not comfortable with, and then have him thank you for it.
• Anal Play – anal play is powerful in showing your sub who is in charge. Many guys have trouble with anal play, as it contradicts power and masculinity. As a Dominatrix, it is your role to show them who’s in charge, and you can use a butt plug, a male dildo, or a prostate toy to keep them in their place. An interesting way to exert your domination is to make them wear a prostate toy while they are out and about. You can also use a strap-on to peg your partner, which can be used as a punishment or pleasure.
• Oral Play – demanding your sub go down on you whenever the mood strikes is another powerful femdom practice. You can use a special sex furniture item like a queening chair as the perfect implement for this activity. Also, combining oral and humiliation can be effective, and you can make your partner perform oral on a dildo, and you can instruct them on the proper technique.
• Caretaking – this is not the classic intense BDSM scene, but a caretaking experience can be a powerful way to exert your dominance over your partner in a non-sexual way. It differs from aftercare, as the Dominatrix does something for her submissive, usually as an act of love and care.

The Bottom Line

There are many benefits to becoming a Dominatrix, especially because many couples enjoy this activity, and there is something to be said about female domination. We shared the basics of becoming a Dominatrix and some ideas for role-play games to engage with your partner. Please note that there are many other games a Dominatrix and her partner can engage in. Keep in mind that the keys to a successful and pleasurable Domme/sub relationship are trust, respect, and open communication.