BDSM for Beginners: How to Start Your BDSM Journey

What Is BDSM?

BDSM is an umbrella term that covers a few categories of practices. You don’t have to be into all of these to practice BDSM, but choose the sexual activities that appeal to you and your partner. BDSM is not everyone’s cup of tea, but many are interested in one or more aspects of it. BDSM stands for:

• Bondage and discipline – the BD in BDSM is for bondage and discipline. Bondage is a sex play involving some sort of restraint, where one partner exerts control over the other partner using different props such as handcuffs, ropes, blindfolds, or a range of restraints. The discipline aspect is training the submissive partner to obey the set rules, act in a certain way, or perform in a specific way.
• Dominance and submission – the DS in BDSM stands for dominance and submission aspect, and it covers the act of one partner giving power or control (submission) to the other partner who takes it (dominance). These can be emotional or physical; some couples only play their D/s relationship in sexual acts, while others enjoy a more encompassing full-time D/s relationship.
• Sadism and masochism – the SM in BDSM stands for sadism and masochism. It is preferred by people who enjoy pain/pleasure acts. The sadistic partner enjoys inflicting pain, while the masochistic partner enjoys receiving pain, and both partners enjoy a sense of empowerment from their roles. When done in a safe, sane, and consensual way, it is a very safe sexual act because both partners set clear boundaries beforehand and open communication.

Popular culture often misrepresents BDSM, especially if you are taking notes from porn films, which are, to say, a little too extreme. In fact, BDSM practices can be as tame or as extreme as you and your partner are comfortable with. The best thing about BDSM is that you can choose what you want to try and see what works for you and what does not. If you don’t like it, no harm is done, but if you do like it, then you can explore the activity deeper and learn more.

BDSM Practices for Beginners

Now that we explained the basic definitions let’s talk about some of the BDSM practices that are safe for beginners. Our store is full of excellent BDSM gear that can get you started in your BDSM exploration, but before you go shopping, we must explain some of the categories of BDSM plays that you can try with your partner so you can get a taste of the possibilities:

Sensory Play

The first thing we suggest you try as an intro to BDSM is sensory play or sensation play. It involves implementing different ways to engage the senses to heighten erotic pleasure. Sensation play also includes arousing the partner with light, pleasing acts that engage the senses and intensify sexual arousal and pleasure. Here are some of the simplest yet effective sensation plays:

• Blindfold – the easiest way to restrict a sense is to add a blindfold, as it takes away the sight of the submissive partner. This way, you can implement other forms of sensation play while they are blindfolded, which will heighten the arousal as they’ll be forced to focus on the different senses, like touch, sound, and smell.
• Tickling – tickling is another form of sensation play where one partner gently strokes or tickles the other partner with their fingers or another toy. It is one of the gentlest forms of sensation play and is an excellent way to build erotic tension and set the scene for more intense pleasure later.
• Massage – sensual massages are an excellent form of sensation play, as they help boost the intimacy between the partners and aid in foreplay and overall arousal. You can get a good variety of erotic massage oils to help with this.
• Temperature Play – playing with hot and cold sensations is a highly effective way to heighten arousal and wake up the senses. You can do this with a simple ice cube and run it up and down your partner’s body, or take a glass or stainless steel dildo and cool it in ice water, creating a contrasting sensation on the skin. Molten wax is another perfect option for temperature play, and it includes dripping wax on a person’s naked skin to cause a slight burning sensation. Beginners need to stick to soy or paraffin wax play candles that melt at a lower temperature.

Impact Play

Impact play includes striking the partner in different places and with varying implements for mutual sexual pleasure. It includes slapping, spanking, and punching, as well as using a paddle, a whip, a crop, or a cane. Beginners should start with simple spanking, where one partner uses their palm to spank the butt and thighs of the other partner. After you become comfortable with using your hand, then you can move to use different impact play toys, like:

• Paddle – the paddle is an impact play toy that is used to spank the submissive partner and cause arousal and intense sensations. You can find different paddles in our store, but beginners should opt for more flexible paddles made from leather or fur-lined models, while more experienced users can go for the stiff, wooden paddles. If you don’t have a paddle nearby, you can use a wooden spatula to see if paddling is something up your alley before you invest money in a quality paddle.
• Flogger – the flogger is one of the best choices for beginners looking to get into BDSM impact plays. These are not as vicious as whips or canes and provide a distinct effect on the skin. These are handles with multiple strands attached to them, and the more strands a flogger has, the less pronounced the sting is. We recommend that beginners start with soft suede leather or deerskin flogger, as these provide a mild thuddy sensation that brings delicious heat and erotic sensations.
• Whips, canes and crops – these are also impact play toys, so we mention these in this list. However, using these requires experience from both partners. We don’t recommend a novice use any of these, as they provide a vicious sting and can cause lasting damage if you don’t know what you are doing.

Restraints & Bondage

Bondage is an integral part of BDSM, and this is the consensual tying, binding, and restraining of a partner for erotic or aesthetic reasons. Physical restraints are most often used, and these can be ropes, cuffs, chains, bondage tape, or bandages. The implications behind bondage play are related to power exchange and control.

But it is also common for couples who are not into BDSM to incorporate bondage into their sex lives, as this is a common sexual fantasy that many indulge in. It requires a level of trust between the partners, where the Dominant partner ties down the submissive partner, and the submissive partner relinquishes control to the Dominant.

Being restrained leaves the submissive partner open to different sex acts, which is one of the appeals of bondage. There are many psychological implications to why people love bondage. Here, we’ll continue with the most common bondage restraints beginners should use:

• Handcuffs – handcuffs are one of the most popular bondage implements, and many non-BDSM practicing couples also use these. Related to naughtiness, handcuffs are very popular and an excellent gateway into kinky sex. Even couples in vanilla relationships can experiment with cuffs and check out the possibilities these allow.
• Bondage rope – bondage rope is excellent for restraining a partner and is essential for the erotic practice known as Shibari. However, Shibari is an advanced technique, which is not something beginners can easily try. That is why there are pre-made hogtie ropes that can be a perfect beginner’s option.
• Bondage Chains – like bondage rope, bondage chains provide a lot of options for binding and restraining a partner. These are so much easier to use than rope but are very functional and look incredibly hot against the sub’s skin. Because the bondage chains come with all the extra accessories and hardware you may need, these can be a fitting choice for beginners who are looking to get into the impressive world of sensual power play.
• Bed Restraints – bed restraints are a perfect way to bind your partner to the bed and have your way with them. These also allow you to turn every bed into a bondage bed, which is also suitable for beginners, as it does not require any special installation or knowledge. The simplest under-mattress bed restraints can be the perfect intro into BDSM, as you can set these up in moments and reenact your sexual fantasies.

Tips for Safe BDSM for Beginners

Now that we have covered the best BDSM practices for beginners, let’s talk about how to approach this subject with your partner:

• Explain your fantasies – the first thing to start with is with a fantasy. Bring it up with your partner and explain what you find hot and sexy about it, and get their opinion. Explain what you are imagining and what turns you on, and see if it is something your partner would be willing to explore. Sit down with your partner and be honest about your desires and boundaries. It is a great way to check where your partner stands and be specific about the things you want. For example, tell them that the idea of wearing a blindfold while in bed excites you or that you wish to try bringing handcuffs into the bedroom.
• Write & agree on things – having a written contract is not a bad idea (aka. Fifty Shades of Grey), as it will help clear up communication and explicitly cover the things both partners are comfortable with. It does not matter if you are in a relationship or are married; writing up a contract on BDSM activities you wish to engage in will undoubtedly be a great intro to your BDSM exploits. It will also amp up the excitement, and you can always expand and amend the contract as you become more comfortable with your new roles.
• Plan and prepare – planning how you want to do things is essential, and this is also a part of the excitement. Maybe you want to try things while on vacation, or you wish to turn your bedroom into a sexy playroom, wherever you decide you feel safe and can let your inhibitions go. Prepare by shopping for sex toys, props, and tools you may need, and make sure you include your partner in this process. Go together to a sex shop or sit down together if you shop online and make mutual decisions on the things you want to try.
• Dress up and go slow – dressing up in sexy attire is a great way to set the scene, as it will spark your imagination and will let you enjoy yourselves more. Sexy lingerie, fetish clothing, sexy costumes, or something else that fits your fantasy will be a good choice. Start slowly and talk about the things you are about to do. It will give you both time to get used to the actions, and you can more easily decide if you are enjoying yourselves. If you follow the agreed actions, there is a very slim chance that you may get hurt, which is why it is important not to cross the set boundaries.
• Don’t rush – if you have had one enjoyable BDSM experience with your partner, you may be tempted to quickly rush into another. But if you both are beginners, then the smart thing is to wait and don’t rush into things. Instead, space out your experiences and gradually move towards the bolder stuff on your list. 

Aftercare

The entire BDSM experience has a high emotional impact, and both partners are subject to an emotional low that comes with extreme feelings. Aftercare is vital to tackle this, and both the submissive and Dominant partners need sufficient care and rest. As beginners in BDSM, you may not have experience with aftercare, which is why constantly asking if your partner is fine is essential.

Any soothing activity like providing fluids and food and physical comfort is important, as are other activities like a warm bath. Talk about the experience afterward, and have the submissive partner explain what they liked and what they thought when the Dominant partner did an action. Aftercare is key in all forms of sex, which shows that both partners care about each other and the actions they performed were enjoyable and meaningful for both.

Before we let you go to explore our sex toy store and our impressive BDSM gear collection, we need to know that the physical, verbal, and emotional intimacy you express during and after any BDSM experience can strengthen your relationship and draw you deeper into the sensual world of BDSM.