Although every BDSM relationship differs, discipline is usually crucial to the experience. And as everyone knows, there's no discipline without punishment! Even the most well-behaved subs can break the rules sometimes, and the Dom should establish a proper penalty system for how they will be punished.
The beauty of consensual punishment is that it gives much space for creativity and exploration. However, even as a dom, figuring out the right way to discipline your partner may be difficult. For example, bratty subs always go above and beyond to break the agreement, and you may need help to develop new ideas for establishing dominance. Some may require different punishments, so you must think outside the box to apply the proper punishment.
If you're a dom looking for new ways to punish your sub or want to explore this aspect of BDSM relationships, we know how to spark your creativity. Read on and find new ideas about giving your sub new ways of pleasure and establishing proper penalties for their wrongdoings.
How do BDSM Punishments Work?
BDSM relationships work in an entirely consensual manner. That said, not all BDSM relationships include physical or emotional punishments. Some doms focus on positive reinforcements and give more attention to bondage to discipline their subs.
However, in most cases, the dominant partner uses various punishment methods to teach their sub a lesson. This goes hand in hand with providing encouragement and even rewards when they do something good or follow the commands.
To ensure both partners are safe and happy during this type of relationship, they must think ahead and disclose the acceptable behaviors and consensual punishments when establishing the dom-sub roles. The sub should clearly state what means of punishment work for them so the Dom can know when and how to discipline them.
The D’s relationship may also involve a written or informal agreement where all these things are clearly defined. If both partners decide to incorporate submission or slave training, the punishments and rewards can take many forms inside and out of the bedroom.
The dominant partner has a significant role in the process, as they are expected to devise the disciplinary action with \attention and detail. The sub relinquishes all control and allows the other partner to decide when and how to punish the sub, which means the Dom is the one who should ensure the proper enforcement.
Tips On How to Properly Punish Your Sub
As we explained, disciplining a sub is a delicate task. To ensure both sides enjoy the process and your roles in the relationship are clear, you must stick to the agreement and uphold your end when things get rough (pun intended). Apart from the predetermined consent to incorporate punishments into their relationships, partners need to discuss the nature of the punishments, how severe or mild they can be, the timing, the rules subs need to respect, etc. Below are a few topics to discuss with your sub.
Know Their Limits
As a Dom, you possess most, if not all, power in the relationship. Depending on your agreement, you can dictate even the most minor things about your sub's life, such as what they eat or drink for every meal. This, in turn, gives you the obligation to learn what your sub likes and dislikes, even apart from what they directly stated. It also leaves you with the duty to take care of their well-being and teach them a lesson when they disobey you.
Knowing your sub's limits is essential to their satisfaction level. In most cases, the subs will state what things are off limits, but given the exploratory nature of BDSM relationships, they may not be aware of all types of punishments they can withstand. In terms of discipline, this leaves you, the Dom, responsible for learning and predicting which forms of punishment your sub could enjoy and which ones will be overwhelming.
Additionally, you have to factor in other factors like the sub's physical and mental state. If you are already engaged in disciplinary action, looking for signs of distress is essential. Subs can sometimes intentionally push themselves to please the Dom, but their partner's job is to protect them even from themselves and avoid dangerous situations or acts. For example, if you're executing the punishment through some bondage, you should always mind the subs circulation, pain tolerance, and level of comfort or discomfort during the process.
Predetermine Which Behavior Will Be Punished
Obviously, this is one of the critical elements of sub or slave training in D/s relationships. Punishment is to let your submissive partner know that you've noticed their disobedience, and you won't let it slide. But for you to 'put them in line' again, they need to know what they've done wrong.
If the sub isn't aware of why they're being punished or feels like you're punishing them for no reason, that is considered a breach of your consensual BDSM agreement and will undoubtedly break the trust. Since punishments are meant to overpower the sub-consensually, even please them, Doms shouldn't use disciplinary actions to torture them physically or mentally as they wish. Instead, punishments should be consequential and purposeful.
Surprise punishments are also out of the question. Even before you start disciplining your sub, you should discuss their breach of rules and how you wish to proceed with the punishment. As a Dom, you must tell them why you will punish them. A form of pnunishment is even leaving the sub to think about their mistake and torture themselves trying to guess.
Of course, you also need to mind the timing, as waiting too long to discipline your sub may lower the impact of the punishment. And once the sub has made amendments to their actions and learned the lesson, you can move on.
It's best to determine the rules of the relationship beforehand. Even if you don't initially discuss acceptable forms of punishment, there's still room to do so as the relationship progresses.
Make Your Punishment Adequate to Their Actions
You'll know why this is important if you've ever faced severe consequences for minor actions. No sub wants to feel like their Dom is too harsh and doesn't factor in how big or small their breach of the rules is. For example, a bad attitude or talking back is a minor infraction compared to not following specific orders. Your punishment must be less or equal to their wrongdoing. So, for the former act, you may punish them with a time-out or restrain them for a bit, while the latter may be fit for a spanking.
As a dom, you want to devise the smallest form of punishment that will allow you to get the message across. If the sub keeps breaking the same rules, you can increase the severity of the punishment. However, keeping your cool and treating the punishments as a disciplinary tool for their well-being rather than your satisfaction solely is essential.
Moreover, you should always expect your sub to disobey in one way or the other. Putting too big expectations on your submissive partner may lead to anger, quickly leading to poor decisions. Punishing your sub while angry will cloud your judgment and you may use too intense or potentially harmful punishments. This could easily break the trust in the relationship, and not to mention, you can cause mental and physical damage to the person you're supposed to protect.
Don't Go Too Soft
Most submissive partners behave the best when they feel their Dom is closely watching their moves and disciplining them daily or weekly. If the sub has stopped trying hard to please their Dom, that's usually a sign that they must be punished. After all, there's always room to correct human behavior or improve upon the rules in the relationship.
Additionally, as a dom, it is your responsibility to look for behavior patterns and see when your sub purposely or unintentionally undermines the relationship. Bratty subs enjoy the attention and often break the rules to engage their partner in disciplining them. And just as the sub needs to respect the agreement and follow the rules, the Dom must always be prepared to devise the proper disciplinary action. If you're selective about when to punish the sub for a particular behavior and when to let it slide, you're undercutting your power in the relationship.
Many Doms at the beginning of their BDSM journey often feel reluctant to enforce harsher punishments, which can leave the sub disappointed. However, safe words are a great option in this situation. The sub can use a specific word or a phrase to let the Dom know that they've gone too far or when they want the punishment to stop completely. If your sub is too keen on pleasing you, you can make them count, say words or phrases during their training, and measure their pain level based on their voice.
The Importance of Aftercare
While many assume that aftercare is just an ointment after a spanking, there's much more to it. Both physical and emotional punishments should be followed by aftercare, as this is the time when the Dom shows their soft side. No matter the severity of the training, you need to make your sub feel secure and allow them as much time as they need to recover.
Overall, the aftercare is focused on the sub's needs, so it's essential to listen to them, or if the sub needs to get used to being vocal, to decipher from their state what might make them feel more comfortable, loved, and cherished. A blanket, a meal, and an electrolyte drink can all help in these situations; if you've practiced impact play, taking care of their physical health is a priority. Additionally, you can include cuddling, kissing, positive statements, and congratulations on how good they've been.
Skipping the aftercare may disappoint your submissive partner or make them feel unappreciated for their efforts. This can easily break your trust or harm the sub's mental well-being, thus compromising the relationship's nature.
15 Punishments You Should Try
There are many ways to train your partner in a BDSM relationship; the punishments can range from mild to extreme and extraordinary. Now that we've covered when and why to punish your sub, we'll discuss the how. Of course, not all punishments are physical, as many doms prefer incorporating mental and emotional discipline before grading their whip. Below we'll cover all discipline categories and disclose familiar and lesser-known forms of punishments.
1. Time Out/Forced Silence
In many cases, this is an effective form of punishment that can be used for minor forms of disobedience. You can put the sub in a corner and make them face the wall as we did in school, order them to go to their room, or forbid them from saying a word aloud. Other ways for a sub to spend their time out is to kneel on the floor, hold a ping-pong ball between their knees in a squat position, or do any other static punishment you can think of. It's easy to re-establish dominance without using bondage toys or physical force.
2. Restraining Your Sub with Cuffs, Ropes, and Chains
One notch above on the punishment scale come restraints. Doms can use bed restraints to strap the sub to the bed, handcuff them to a piece of furniture and forbid them to move for a while, or cuff their legs and make them walk around like that for the rest of the day. For repetitive behavior and disobedience, you can restrain the sub with ropes in an uncomfortable position, such as to the ceiling, or tie their hands and feet behind their back. There's much room for creativity in this department so that you can repeatedly enforce the same form of punishment in different ways.
3. Orgasm Denial
Plain and simple: bring your partner close to climax and leave them hanging. Even better, you can make them start stroking their penis or edge at the foot of the bed, then command them to stop before reaching an orgasm or physically restraining them.
4. Forced Orgasm
This punishment pairs well with bondage restraints. Instead of just tying your sub to the bed, why not force them to cum too? You can repeatedly arouse them and achieve orgasms while they're left dry and exhausted.
5. Spanking, Paddling, or Whipping
This punishment is the most common form across the BDSM community, and subs often prefer it. The difference is that spanking requires you to use your hands, while paddling can be done with any hard object with a hard surface and a handle, and whipping requires a whip. The effect is the same; they all induce physical pain and quickly remind the sub they should behave.
6. Putting a Collar on Them
This punishment works both as a humiliation tactic and as a restraint. You can walk your sub around like a dog in the house and outside or tie the leash to something and make them behave like animals. The Dom can also make the sub eat or drink off the floor.
7. Deny Them the Pleasure of Pleasuring You
As a Dom, you can take sex off the table and forbid your sub from giving you orally or kissing. Additionally, you can deny them any physical contact, or you can masturbate in front of them and let them watch without being able to do anything to please you.
8. Wax play
Another way to use this is to make your sub self-inflict the punishment; for example, you can sit down and order the sub to use wax play candles on different parts of their body. If the sub is comfortable with something more advanced, you can even perform a Brazilian wax as punishment. The wax should be body-safe, and you should be careful when playing around with hot and cold temperatures to avoid burns or injuries.
9. Shower Them with Gold
No, we don't mean buy them jewelry but rather engage in a golden shower. If both partners are comfortable sharing those kinds of body fluids, a golden shower is a great humiliation tactic. Some D/S relationships implement even more extreme takes on this punishment, such as the sub drinking the pee. However, this can be unsanitary and result in unwanted health issues later.
10. Make Them Wear Toys Throughout the Day
You can expose your sub to your punishment throughout the day to show them you're in complete control. For example, making them wear vibrating panties or a cock ring at work or while with others is the perfect way to remind them they're yours to punish. Even better, you can be together publicly and control the vibrations, making them orgasm or constantly holding them on edge.
11. Take Masturbation off the Table
This is another simple form of punishment that can be used in many situations and is usually practiced in long-distance BDSM relationships or when the Dom isn't near the sub. By forbidding them to masturbate, you're controlling their sexual pleasure without lifting a finger, playing with their mind just as much as with their body.
12. Menial Chores
If there's a chore or housework the sub, particularly dislikes, you can use it to your advantage and pose it as a form of punishment. You can order your sub to do simple things like mop the floor while you repeatedly spill stuff on it, wash your laundry, or do the cooking. For a more extreme punishment, you can give your sub a toothbrush instead of a mop and make them clean the whole house. Even better, menial chores can be mind-numbing, so they can easily be used as torture.
13. Use Them as a Piece of Furniture
Has the sub crossed some lines as you were about to dive into a good book? You can always use your partner as human furniture and rest your feet on them. You can also use them as a table, coat hanger, or whatever home decor you can think of as a form of punishment.
14. Deprive Them of Their Favorite Things
Grounding your partner is an excellent way to exert dominance and teach them a lesson, just as parents do with their kids. You can take away your sub's phone, forbid them to watch their favorite show or access the TV overall, or even punish them by forbidding them to engage in any exercise or sport they enjoy.
15. Cuckolding
Although a bit extreme, many BDSM relationships allow room for exploring the partners' sexuality with other people. If you've previously agreed that you are comfortable bringing other people into your bedroom, then cuckolding can be an excellent form of torment and punishment for the sub. The Dom can make the submissive partner watch as they engage in sexual acts with another person and deny them the pleasure of joining in. Of course, both partners should agree beforehand on the actions the Dom is allowed to perform or engage with, and they can decide together which person will be allowed in their sex life.
Final Thoughts
With great power comes great responsibility! Punishing a sub is no easy task, and Doms should take it seriously. Although it may seem fun to think about having control over another person's life or actions, it's essential to understand your part of the agreement. The Dom should always consider how big of a mistake the sub has made, and not be too hard or too soft, but find the fitting punishment when disciplining the sub. Timing and aftercare of the sub also take a significant role in the process, and they're also integral parts of the dominant partner's obligations in the relationship. As long as the Dom and the sub agree beforehand on the rules and respect each other's limits, they can enjoy the relationship. After all, BDSM agreements are based on mutual trust, and doing things the other person hasn't consented to is considered abusive, no matter the nature of your connection.