How do BDSM Punishments Work?
BDSM relationships work in an entirely consensual manner. That said, not all BDSM relationships include physical or emotional punishments. Some doms focus on positive reinforcements and give more attention to bondage to discipline their subs.
However, in most cases, the dominant partner uses various punishment methods to teach their sub a lesson. This goes hand in hand with providing encouragement and even rewards when they do something good or follow the commands.
To ensure both partners are safe and happy during this type of relationship, they must think ahead and disclose the acceptable behaviors and consensual punishments when establishing the dom-sub roles. The sub should clearly state what means of punishment work for them so the Dom can know when and how to discipline them.
The Dās relationship may also involve a written or informal agreement where all these things are clearly defined. If both partners decide to incorporate submission or slave training, the punishments and rewards can take many forms inside and out of the bedroom.
The dominant partner has a significant role in the process, as they are expected to devise the disciplinary action with \attention and detail. The sub relinquishes all control and allows the other partner to decide when and how to punish the sub, which means the Dom is the one who should ensure the proper enforcement.
Tips On How to Properly Punish Your Sub
As we explained, disciplining a sub is a delicate task. To ensure both sides enjoy the process and your roles in the relationship are clear, you must stick to the agreement and uphold your end when things get rough (pun intended). Apart from the predetermined consent to incorporate punishments into their relationships, partners need to discuss the nature of the punishments, how severe or mild they can be, the timing, the rules subs need to respect, etc. Below are a few topics to discuss with your sub.
Know Their Limits
As a Dom, you possess most, if not all, power in the relationship. Depending on your agreement, you can dictate even the most minor things about your sub's life, such as what they eat or drink for every meal. This, in turn, gives you the obligation to learn what your sub likes and dislikes, even apart from what they directly stated. It also leaves you with the duty to take care of their well-being and teach them a lesson when they disobey you.
Knowing your sub's limits is essential to their satisfaction level. In most cases, the subs will state what things are off limits, but given the exploratory nature of BDSM relationships, they may not be aware of all types of punishments they can withstand. In terms of discipline, this leaves you, the Dom, responsible for learning and predicting which forms of punishment your sub could enjoy and which ones will be overwhelming.
Additionally, you have to factor in other factors like the sub's physical and mental state. If you are already engaged in disciplinary action, looking for signs of distress is essential. Subs can sometimes intentionally push themselves to please the Dom, but their partner's job is to protect them even from themselves and avoid dangerous situations or acts. For example, if you're executing the punishment through some bondage, you should always mind the subs circulation, pain tolerance, and level of comfort or discomfort during the process.
Predetermine Which Behavior Will Be Punished
Obviously, this is one of the critical elements of sub or slave training in D/s relationships. Punishment is to let your submissive partner know that you've noticed their disobedience, and you won't let it slide. But for you to 'put them in line' again, they need to know what they've done wrong.
If the sub isn't aware of why they're being punished or feels like you're punishing them for no reason, that is considered a breach of your consensual BDSM agreement and will undoubtedly break the trust. Since punishments are meant to overpower the sub-consensually, even please them, Doms shouldn't use disciplinary actions to torture them physically or mentally as they wish. Instead, punishments should be consequential and purposeful.
Surprise punishments are also out of the question. Even before you start disciplining your sub, you should discuss their breach of rules and how you wish to proceed with the punishment. As a Dom, you must tell them why you will punish them. A form of pnunishment is even leaving the sub to think about their mistake and torture themselves trying to guess.
Of course, you also need to mind the timing, as waiting too long to discipline your sub may lower the impact of the punishment. And once the sub has made amendments to their actions and learned the lesson, you can move on.
It's best to determine the rules of the relationship beforehand. Even if you don't initially discuss acceptable forms of punishment, there's still room to do so as the relationship progresses.
Make Your Punishment Adequate to Their Actions
You'll know why this is important if you've ever faced severe consequences for minor actions. No sub wants to feel like their Dom is too harsh and doesn't factor in how big or small their breach of the rules is. For example, a bad attitude or talking back is a minor infraction compared to not following specific orders. Your punishment must be less or equal to their wrongdoing. So, for the former act, you may punish them with a time-out or restrain them for a bit, while the latter may be fit for a spanking.
As a dom, you want to devise the smallest form of punishment that will allow you to get the message across. If the sub keeps breaking the same rules, you can increase the severity of the punishment. However, keeping your cool and treating the punishments as a disciplinary tool for their well-being rather than your satisfaction solely is essential.
Moreover, you should always expect your sub to disobey in one way or the other. Putting too big expectations on your submissive partner may lead to anger, quickly leading to poor decisions. Punishing your sub while angry will cloud your judgment and you may use too intense or potentially harmful punishments. This could easily break the trust in the relationship, and not to mention, you can cause mental and physical damage to the person you're supposed to protect.
Don't Go Too Soft
Most submissive partners behave the best when they feel their Dom is closely watching their moves and disciplining them daily or weekly. If the sub has stopped trying hard to please their Dom, that's usually a sign that they must be punished. After all, there's always room to correct human behavior or improve upon the rules in the relationship.
Additionally, as a dom, it is your responsibility to look for behavior patterns and see when your sub purposely or unintentionally undermines the relationship. Bratty subs enjoy the attention and often break the rules to engage their partner in disciplining them. And just as the sub needs to respect the agreement and follow the rules, the Dom must always be prepared to devise the proper disciplinary action. If you're selective about when to punish the sub for a particular behavior and when to let it slide, you're undercutting your power in the relationship.
Many Doms at the beginning of their BDSM journey often feel reluctant to enforce harsher punishments, which can leave the sub disappointed. However, safe words are a great option in this situation. The sub can use a specific word or a phrase to let the Dom know that they've gone too far or when they want the punishment to stop completely. If your sub is too keen on pleasing you, you can make them count, say words or phrases during their training, and measure their pain level based on their voice.
The Importance of Aftercare
While many assume that aftercare is just an ointment after a spanking, there's much more to it. Both physical and emotional punishments should be followed by aftercare, as this is the time when the Dom shows their soft side. No matter the severity of the training, you need to make your sub feel secure and allow them as much time as they need to recover.
Overall, the aftercare is focused on the sub's needs, so it's essential to listen to them, or if the sub needs to get used to being vocal, to decipher from their state what might make them feel more comfortable, loved, and cherished. A blanket, a meal, and an electrolyte drink can all help in these situations; if you've practiced impact play, taking care of their physical health is a priority. Additionally, you can include cuddling, kissing, positive statements, and congratulations on how good they've been.
Skipping the aftercare may disappoint your submissive partner or make them feel unappreciated for their efforts. This can easily break your trust or harm the sub's mental well-being, thus compromising the relationship's nature.
