Bondage for Beginners: Guide to Get Started with Bondage

What Is Bondage?

Bondage, a part of the BDSM subculture, is any practice that involves consensual restraining, binding, or tying a partner for erotic, sensory, or aesthetic purposes. You can restrain someone with rope, cuffs, chains, bondage tape, or another DIY restraint. Bondage can be done for pleasure, where the restrained partner submits to the dominant partner, leaving their body exposed to the will of the dominant partner. We refer you to our guide on why people like bondage, where we further explore this topic, and below, we’ll continue with our bondage for beginners guide.

Types of Bondage

Bondage is an umbrella term that covers so many different aspects, and here we’ll outline some of these. Please note that there are plenty other bondage options than the ones we’ve listed here:

• Rope bondage
• Handcuffs
• Leather restraints
• Fabric restraints
• Plastic restraints
• Mental/verbal bondage
• Suspension
• Mouth bondage
• Hair bondage
• DIY bondage

Note that you can also combine these and more, like mouth bondage with a ball gag and handcuffs, for example. However, we remind you that you should always practice this safely, take care of the bound partner, and keep track of their movements and actions to make sure they are not in pain or severe discomfort.

Bondage: How to Start with It

Now, let’s get to the good part: how to start with bondage. You may be tempted to just jump right in it, but we have to emphasize the importance of personal safety, as you can really harm yourself or your partner if you don’t know what you are doing. So, here is how to get started, and the first thing is to discuss bondage with your partner.

Introduce the Idea of Bondage to Your Partner

You won’t know if your partner is up to doing something if you don’t ask them, so the first thing to do is bring up that you would be interested in playing with bondage. Who knows, maybe your partner has already considered this but has been shy in voicing their ideas. Here are some key things to know when discussing bondage with your partner:

• Explain your ideas – sit down with your partner and bring up your fantasy of trying bondage. Bondage is a very common fantasy, so you can safely assume that your partner may be open to it. However, time it ideally, and don’t talk about this before or after sex, as some may consider this as pressure. Instead, find a private moment when you are both relaxed and bring it up. Don’t judge or criticize, but be transparent and open about the things you are willing to try. Also, ask them for their ideas, wants, and sexual fantasies.
• Outline the positive aspects – explain to your partner why you would be open to trying bondage. Maybe mention that it would be fun to explore things together and go deeper into your relationship. Clearly outline that it is not a critique of your current sex life but that it is a deepening of the trust and that it can change and improve things between you.
• Outline yours and their role – explain what their role would be and how you would like to go about it. Some people are comfortable being tied up, while others have issues with it. Make sure you clearly discuss this with your partner and respect their limits.
• Talk and maybe make a checklist – talk with your partner and try to answer any questions they may have. Alternatively, both of you can browse online together for inspiration and beginner-friendly bondage advice. If your partner is reluctant, then let them think things over and revisit the idea at a later date. If your partner is open to the idea, then we suggest you use a BDSM checklist where you can fill out the things you are both comfortable with and what you would be willing to explore.

Bondage Risks & Safety

You may try to rush into things and not be aware of the risks of bondage. However, this is a serious thing that you should consider with great attention, as the risks can be dangerous. The first thing we should explain is that bondage causes bruises and abrasions, and this can’t be avoided. It is another thing to outline with your partner, as you both should be aware of the possible discomfort. Apart from this, here are a few other risks associated with bondage:

• Pressure on organs
• Reduced blood circulation
• Nerve damage
• Fainting
• Falling

Almost all of these are avoidable, but you need to follow the safety protocols for bondage. This means that you should only use adequate restraints, not over-tighten them, and avoid placing restraints on sensitive body parts. Also, never leave a bound partner alone, closely monitor their actions, and use and respect safe words.

When we discuss safety, we must note that you should avoid using everyday items for bondage, as many of these, while being sexy or intriguing, can cause severe issues. Avoid using pantyhose for bondage, as these are stretchy and any knots from these can contract when stretched, which can cause harm. Scarves or belts may not have the appropriate length and width for bondage and can press uncomfortably on the bound parts of the body. As a rule of thumb, don’t use thin restraints, like ropes that are less than half an inch in diameter.

To be on the safe side, use wide restraints, like neoprene or leather bondage cuffs, that are wide and evenly distribute the pressure. As beginners, consider cuffs with Velcro closure, and more experienced users can use buckles and even padlocks.

An important safety feature is to have scissors handy for quickly getting the restraints from the bound partner if necessary. You never know what could happen, so having a quick way out is paramount. Discuss the safety with your partner, and always practice Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) bondage. Please don’t drink alcohol or take drugs before you partake in bondage, as it may impair your judgment, which can lead to adverse consequences.

Start with Bondage

Don’t start with the heavy bondage stuff immediately. Instead, always start slowly and easily so you and your partner can become comfortable in your new roles and get the much-needed experience. For starters, we suggest you experiment with verbal bondage and then continue with Velcro straps or an easily breakable thread that is non-intimidating. Try each restraint individually at first before you go and combine these. After you both get in the groove of things, you can continue with more substantial bondage. Here are some excellent ideas for beginners in bondage:

• Verbal bondage – this is perhaps the best beginner bondage idea as it does not involve physical restraints. Instead, one partner instructs the other partner to remain in place or hold a particular pose. Great for training, verbal bondage can be fun to try, and the consequences can be pretty thrilling for both partners.
• Holding in place – if you are not ready for physical restraints, then keeping your partner’s body in place is a great way to try things out. Similar to verbal bondage, holding your partner in place can be fun and exciting for both.
• Blindfolding – yes, using a blindfold is a type of bondage that is great for beginners. Because the blindfold restricts sight, it heightens the other senses and makes for more exciting and engaging playtime. For many couples, just using a blindfold in the bedroom is an excellent way to change things up and experience new things.
• Mouth gag – using a mouth gag is a form of bondage, and just like the blindfold, the mouth gag restricts a sense and removes the sub’s ability to speak. You can try a bit of a breathable ball gag if you and your partner are beginners, as these are more comfortable and easier to breathe with.
• Hands behind the back – this is a classic for a reason. The dominant partner binds the hands of the submissive partner behind their back, which leaves the chest, stomach, and genitals free for teasing. It can be a significant induction in bondage, as you can position them on their knees and have them perform oral sex on you.
• Spread eagle – this is another classic pose where the arms and legs are spread and tied, so there is minimal movement. This position is perfect for teasing your partner, spanking or flogging, and performing oral, vaginal, or anal sex. For this pose, we recommend you use under-bed restraints that are easy to install and can be discretely stored when you don’t use them.
• Wrists to ankles – a classic pose for experienced practitioners, binding the wrists to the ankles leaves the partner exposed and open for teasing and pleasing. You can use a spreader bar if you want to invest in one, or you can use hand and ankle cuffs and link them together. A variation of this pose is to secure the wrists to the thighs for a similar effect.
• Use a chair – using a chair for light bondage is very simple to do, at the same being highly effective. You can have your partner lean over the chair, and you can tie their limbs to the chair’s legs, and you get an instant spanking bench. Another way to use a chair is to restrain your partner’s ankles to the front legs of the chair and bind their wrists behind the back of the chair, leaving their front exposed to all you want to do to them.
• Leapfrog pose – this is a variation of the famous doggy style pose, which is the No. 1 sex pose for Americans. For this pose, you need to bind the wrists to the ankles, either from the inside or outside of their thighs, and have them positioned with their head on the bed, leaving their ass in the air. It leaves the genitals fully exposed for your attention and
• Hogtie – the submissive partner should lie on their front and pull their hands and legs backward, and the dominant partner can tie the ankles and wrists together in hogtie. You can either use hogtie cuffs or rope for this, and you’ll get access to many sensitive parts of the sub’s body. However, this is a more advanced position, which is why we added it last on our list with suggestions.

Bondage Aftercare

We have a complete guide on BDSM aftercare, which we urge you to check out, but for now, we’ll list the key things to know about aftercare necessary after you partake in bondage. Even if you are just starting with bondage, you must know how to take care of your partner.

• Hydration – the bound partner may lose a lot of fluids during playtime, so ensure they get proper hydration, such as cold water or a sports drink with electrolytes.
• Treating injuries – as we noted above, bruises are a constant companion to bondage play, so make sure you treat these properly. It includes cold compresses for a few days until the bruises fade.
• Rope burn and broken skin – if the skin gets broken or there is rope burn, then the key thing is disinfecting the skin with cold water, antibiotic cream, and light bandages if necessary.
• Muscle and joint pain – if the partner has been bound in an uncomfortable position, they may experience muscle or joint pain. Still, a lengthy rest and a cold shower are usually a good thing to relax the muscles and take care of any pain.

If there is a more severe symptom or the partner faints, then remove the restraints, help them get seated, and wait a moment for their blood pressure to normalize. If, after a few moments, they return to normal, provide basic aftercare, but if the symptoms persist, then seek immediate medical attention.

The Bottom Line

Bondage should be fun and engaging, pleasurable and sexually satisfying. As beginners, you may not immediately know what you like and what you dislike, but if you follow our advice above, you and your partner can get into light bondage and slowly and surely discover what works for you. Remember that you should both enjoy it, stay safe, and don’t be afraid to voice your desires.

Also, check out our blog for helpful guides on choosing and using different sex toys. Feel free to browse our sex toy store, where we carry a fantastic selection of BDSM tools and toys, sexy lingerie, sex furniture, lube and essentials, and all the other exciting sex toys to spice up anyone’s sex life.