What is 69?

69: 69 is a sex position where two partners perform oral sex on each other at the same time, usually lying head to opposite feet in a mirrored shape.

Also known as: Sixty nine, Mutual oral sex position, Sixty nining.

69 is a sex position that lets two partners give each other oral sex at the same time. One person lies with their head near their partner's hips while facing the opposite direction, and their partner does the same, so each mouth lines up with the other person's genitals. The name comes from the shape the numeral 69 makes, which mirrors the way two bodies stack head to opposite feet.

People try 69 because it feels mutual. Nobody is just giving or just receiving, you are both doing both at once. It works for couples of any gender combination, and it pairs well with a few couples toys like supportive pillows or small vibrators if you want to add more sensation while you are in position.

How to Get Into the 69 Position

The most common setup has one partner lying flat on their back while the other partner gets on top, facing their feet, so their hips line up near their partner's face. From there both people simply lower their heads toward each other's genitals. You can also do it lying on your sides, facing opposite directions, which takes some of the weight off the person on top and tends to feel less intense on the neck.

Standing or kneeling versions exist too, but they take more balance and core strength, so most people start lying down. There is no rule that says you have to hold the position the whole time. Plenty of couples move in and out of 69, switch to another position for a while, then come back to it. Go at your own pace and adjust as you go, this is not a position you need to force into a textbook shape.

A step by step start looks like this. Get comfortable on a bed with some room to stretch out. Decide who goes on top first, or lie side by side if that feels easier. Line up so your mouth reaches your partner's genitals without straining your neck. Start slow, check in with each other, and adjust the angle until it feels good for both of you.

Is 69 Safe

69 carries the same general safety considerations as any oral sex. Saliva and genital fluids can pass sexually transmitted infections, so if either partner's STI status is unknown or you are not fluid bonded, using a condom on a penis or a dental dam over a vulva or anus during 69 reduces that risk. Water based lube on a dental dam or condom is a safe default choice, since it will not weaken latex the way an oil based product can.

Some people worry about choking or gagging since both partners are focused on oral sex at once and it is harder to pause and check on each other. If either of you has a sensitive gag reflex, keep movements gentle and agree on a simple tap or word that means slow down or stop. Neck strain is a real concern too, especially in the top and bottom version, so switching to the side by side version or propping up with a pillow can make it more comfortable to hold for longer.

If you or your partner has any active cold sore, genital sore, or infection, it is worth waiting until it clears up or checking with a doctor first, since oral contact can spread things like herpes between the mouth and genitals in either direction.

Why Do Some Couples Find 69 Hard to Enjoy

A lot of people find it genuinely tricky to focus on giving pleasure while also receiving it. Your brain has to split attention between two different sensations, and for some people that splits their arousal instead of doubling it. This is completely normal and does not mean anything is wrong with you or your body.

If you keep losing focus or find yourself distracted, you are not doing it wrong. Some couples find that they enjoy 69 more as a warm up before switching to giving and receiving one at a time. Others prefer to skip it entirely and stick with taking turns. There is no version of oral sex that is more correct, it just comes down to what actually feels good to the two of you.

Tips for Making 69 More Comfortable

A pillow under the hips of the person on the bottom, or under the knees of the person on top, takes pressure off the neck and lower back. If you are the partner on top, resting some of your weight on your forearms or knees instead of putting it all on your partner's face and chest makes the position easier for both of you.

The side by side version is worth trying if the classic top and bottom version feels awkward. It puts less strain on everyone's neck and lets you both move more freely. Some couples add a small bullet vibrator or a hands free toy to touch other areas during 69, since your hands are often busy holding your own weight or steadying your partner.

Keep a towel or blanket nearby if that helps you relax, and do not feel like you need to hold the position for a set amount of time. Short bursts of 69 mixed with other positions or acts is a completely normal way to enjoy it.

Talking to Your Partner About Trying 69

If you want to bring up 69 with a partner who has not tried it, keep it casual and low pressure. Mentioning that you are curious and asking if they would want to try it together usually goes over better than framing it as an expectation. Let them know you are open to stopping or switching positions if it is not working for either of you.

If you have tried it before and it was not comfortable, say so plainly rather than avoiding the topic. You might say the neck strain bothered you, or that you found it hard to focus, and suggest an adjustment like the side by side version or taking turns instead. Good communication here just makes the whole experience less stressful and more enjoyable for both people.

69 vs Taking Turns with Oral Sex: Quick Comparison

Types of 69

69 can be done in a few different body arrangements, and picking the right one comes down to comfort and flexibility.

• Top and bottom 69: One partner lies on their back while the other kneels or lies on top facing the opposite direction, the most common version.
• Side by side 69: Both partners lie on their sides facing opposite directions, which reduces neck and back strain.
• Standing 69: One partner lifts or supports the other while standing, requiring more strength and balance.
• Seated or kneeling 69: Both partners kneel or sit facing opposite directions, often used as a shorter transitional position.
• Propped 69: Pillows or a wedge support the hips or knees to reduce strain during a longer session.

Key Things to Know

• 69 lets both partners give and receive oral sex at the same time, so neither person has to wait their turn.
• The name comes from the numeral 69 mirroring two bodies positioned head to opposite feet, which explains the shape of the position.
• Many people find it hard to focus on giving and receiving pleasure at once, so feeling distracted during 69 is completely normal.
• A pillow under the hips or knees reduces neck and back strain, which makes the position easier to hold longer.
• Condoms and dental dams still work for STI protection during 69, and water based lube is safe to use with both.
• Clear communication about pace and comfort matters more in 69 since it is harder to see your partner's facial cues.

FAQ

Related Terms

Oral Sex · Cunnilingus · Fellatio · Dental Dam

Sources

• CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention): “Using a condom, dental dam, or other barrier methods the every time you have oral sex can reduce the risk of giving or getting an STI.”
• CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention): “DO use water-based or silicone-based lubricant to prevent breakage.”
• Planned Parenthood: “It's important to use only water-based lubricants, such as K-Y jelly or Astroglide, with latex or polyisoprene condoms.”